Love, Lust, and Laundry: What Women Look for in Relationships

Let's face it, the dating world can be a confusing and daunting place. It can be hard to know what to say, what to wear, and what qualities to highlight in yourself in order to attract the right person. I've done some research to find out exactly what women look for in a partner, and I'm here to share those findings with you.

Before I get into the meat of this article, I need to say this to the ladies out there. This one is for the guys in the audience. (I know it’s not an audience, but, you know what I mean). It's to help them learn what women look for in relationships.
I’m not at all trying to exclude you and I promise there will be an article for you soon.  I'm also not saying that you can't, or shouldn't read this one. As a matter of fact, I would appreciate it if you did and then provide some feedback. Us guys can always use the help, and want to know your perspective on the matter at hand. 

Now, let me start by saying that I'm not a certified expert. I do not possess any formal education, nor do I have any fancy degrees on this subject. I can only draw from my own experiences, those of my close friends, and  also on the research I've done.

Just so you know, not that I have to say it for you to know this already simply by looking at my photo, but, I was never the hot guy in the room. I was never really the troll either, regardless of how you may see me now; although I'd ask that you give me a break, I'm much older now. I'm still myself though. 

I was, at the very least, quite average. I did OK growing up and had my fair share of dates. The few things I had going for me was a sense of humor, a quick wit, and a lack of shyness. That’s not to say that I was never nervous approaching the ladies that were way out of my league, but I’m a trooper and like many, I always enjoyed the pursuit.

Anyway, this is not about me, this article is for the guys that struggle some when it comes to the dating scene. And trust me guys, you are not alone here. This is an extremely common issue, especially for those that are classified as  the “good guys”. Surely you’ve heard it repeatedly that even thought the girls say that want a good guy, one that will respect them and be a gentleman, the truth is, many of them secretly, and not so secretly, want the “bad boy”. They have this perception that he will be so exciting and adventurous and are surely going to show them a good time; until they finally find one and figure out that, no ladies, “you cannot change him.” Even though you are special and worth changing for, that part is not within your control. We all know the saying, "a tiger cannot change his stripes." And for those of you ladies who have been through it, you know I’m right, whether you'd care to admit it or not.

So I digress, ladies ... this article is aimed at the fellas that are seeking some guidance and ideas as to how best give you what you want. There are many really good guys out there and all they really need is the opportunity to show you that they can be the guy you’re really looking for and may have missed because he never had a shot at showing you. … (Hey ladies, of course I can’t promise this, but, this article could actually work in your favor; just sayin’). You may want to check back and read through the comments to see if any of these guys can prove to be that ‘Mr. Right’ you are seeking.

OK, now fellas, it's your turn. Belly up to the table and pay attention. Again, I'm not making any promises here, but I feel strongly about the fact that if you give some of these ideas a real try and put some effort into it, that you can experience some positive progress and definitely prime yourself to move in the right direction.
Continue reading and see if what I’m saying resonates with you; I’m guessing much of it will.

This is the heart-wrenching one and the reason that inspired me to write this article. …
Hey fellas, no!, it’s not time to hang up the gloves. You are having a minor set back and it’s only temporary. Don’t let it defeat you. You’re only a few simple tweaks away from reaching the peak of that mountain; OK? Follow along and keep reading. Let me prove to you that some of the info included here can help. Here we go.

And just to clarify, just because I'm using a 23 year old in this example, this information is not solely for him, the information is not age specific. It can, and should, be applied by anyone dealing with this issue.

OK, first things first.
Where do we start? Well, to increase your chances of success, you first need to …

• Know what you're looking for: Before you start searching for a date, it's important to have a clear idea of what you're looking for in a partner. Are you looking for someone who shares your interests and values? Someone who is adventurous and spontaneous? Someone who is more laid back and easy-going? Knowing what you want will help you narrow down your search and increase your chances of finding someone who is compatible with you.
  Once you can clarify in your own mind exactly what you seek in a friendship, or a romantic relationship, then you can identify some places that they are likely to frequently visit and set those places as goals to meet someone. People are creatures of habit and we usually tend to be drawn to others with similar interests. You’d be doing yourself a big favor if you were to first identify some of the things you enjoy doing, and what your interested in, and then make it a point to regularly visit those places where these interests are shared, you may be surprised at who you’d find there that you could easily strike up a conversation with regarding that interest. At least if it’s something you’re already familiar with, talking to someone about it would prove to be easy, right?
• Get out there: One of the best ways to meet new people and find potential dates is to get out of your comfort zone and try new things. Along the same lines of the previous idea, perhaps you could join a club or group that aligns with your interests, volunteer for a cause you care about, or take a class in something you've always wanted to learn. These activities will not only help you meet new people, but they'll also give you something to talk about on a date.

• Use dating apps and websites: Now, I must confess, I don’t have any experience with dating apps. I’m old-school and have always met people the old-fashion, traditional way, face-to-face. 

• Practice good hygiene and grooming: It may seem obvious, but good hygiene and grooming are essential for making a good first impression on a date. Take the time to shower, brush your teeth, and style your hair before you go out. You should also dress in clean, well-fitting clothes that make you feel confident and comfortable. I know this seems simplistic and almost silly to have to mention, but you’d be surprised as to how many skip this part. Don’t believe me, ask a few of you lady friends. I know, gross, right?

• Be confident and open-minded: Confidence is key when it comes to finding a date. Many women when asked what they find attractive in a man, will answer, confidence. They like it when a man is confident and is sure of himself, knows what he wants and likes, and is not afraid of going after it. Now, don’t get this one twisted, that doesn't mean you should be arrogant or overbearing. Instead, try to be confident and open-minded, and be willing to listen to what the other person has to say. Show interest in their life and opinions, and try to be yourself. Remember, honesty is always the best policy when it comes to dating. Don’t try to control the conversation with stories about yourself, or your accomplishments. Those things can very well be a deal breaker. Instead, be conscious to spend more time interested in her and convey to her that you really want to know more about her. You could show an interest in her hobbies, if she likes or plays any sports, or any of those inquisitive questions.
• Don't be afraid to make the first move: If you see someone you're interested in, don't be afraid to make the first move. You can start by making eye contact, smiling, and saying hello. If the person seems interested, you can ask if they'd like to grab a coffee or go out for a drink. Don't worry about rejection – everyone gets rejected at some point. Just keep an open mind and move on to the next opportunity. Remember, if the person is unaccompanied by a date, oh, and this is probably another one of those things that you’d respond ‘Duh!’ to and accuse me of being a moron for even bringing it up, but, yes, be sure they are not currently on a date with someone. You don’t want to be disrespectful, or so fixated on your ’target’, again, for lack of a better term, and wind up getting your ass kicked because you overstepped your bounds. … so, in continuing the previous thought, I started saying, remember, it’s quite likely that if the person you noticed is unaccompanied, they too may be hoping to meet someone. You’re never going to know though unless you are bold enough to take that initial shot. I mean, really, what’s the worst that could happen, they say, “no thank you”? OK, now you know that for whatever their reason was, this time it wasn’t meant to be. At the very least, that person could have the thought that, “it’s nice that someone chose me to approach.” You wouldn’t believe how many very attractive women I’ve known would tell me that many guys don’t ever ‘hit on them’ because they just assume they’d say no, and then they go home alone that night not having met anyone. Try it for yourself. Ask one of your cute girl friends and see what they tell you.

• Be a good listener: Being a good listener is crucial for any successful relationship,  and it's especially important on a first date. Make an effort to listen to what the other person has to say, and ask questions to show that you're interested in what they have to say. Avoid interrupting or talking over them, and try to be present in the moment. If you notice you have any overlapping interests, don’t be afraid to mention them, but again, be sure not to talk over them. You don’t wan to be rude.
• Follow up: If you had a good time on your date and want to see the person again, be sure to follow up within a day or two. You can send a text or message thanking them for their time and expressing your interest in seeing them again. If they're not interested, it's important to respect their decision and move on. Don’t be that stalker dude. If they are clear with you and don’t show any interest in a follow-up date, don’t push or pressure. You express to them that you had a nice time, and if ever they change their mind and would like to revisit the idea, you could welcome that and then end the conversation. That’s it. …. Truth is, and it’s not unheard of, if you are respectful of their wishes and do not forcefully pursue them, that they could take that as a good thing and give you a second thought. …. BUT, those second shots are few, and far between, so DO NOT count on them. … and there you have it. This is a good start.

Now, as you may very well be aware of, there’s no way I could possibly provide you with an encyclopedic volume on this topic within this article.  There are so many intricacies and nuances about dating and relationships in general. There's no way that this article is an exhaustive piece of information. 

Here’s my promise to you guys … If you liked what I included here, and you found it to be useful, I will follow up with a series of articles that will dig a bit deeper and describe some of those intricacies and nuances that I mentioned earlier. I will attempt to be as thorough as my experience and further research will allow. I will not leave you hanging.

And also, all throughout this article I'm been speaking in generalities. It's worth noting that instead of answering the question of "What do women want?" and why that answer is so elusive, it's because that one is not a very good question. That question presumes that by lumping all women together and assuming they all have the same drives, needs, and motivations, the question is actually a bit insulting. Obviously, some women like slim men more than muscular men, and simultaneously, there are women who could care less about social status or wealth, while others might never consider dating someone underemployed. In short: there will always be differences.
Ultimately, a more appropriate question might be, ‘how do I find out what a woman wants?’ In posing this question instead, you acknowledge the individuality of the women you’ll encounter and avoid ‘stereotyping.’ You also encourage yourself to take a more personalized approach when evaluating women who may (or may not) be into you. Rather than apply generalities to her, you can investigate which drives, needs, and motivations lie at the core of what she values in a mate. 

I know for me, and many of my friends, something like this would have been pretty helpful. back in the day. That’s not to say that this stuff didn’t exist when I was coming up, but for whatever reason, we were just not privy to it. Whether it was because we never thought to seek it out, or were too cool to ask anyone for fear of being shamed and ridiculed, or for the other one-hundred-and-one reasons we used, we didn’t have ready access to the info. We had to learn it the hard way. Which is why I always say that I proudly hold a Master’s degree from the School Of Hard Knocks. I took a lot of bumps and bruises along the way but here I am on the other side now and would like to help if I can in any way. So as a bonus, there is my very brief story on the matter.  

So, if you’re interested and would like to get more like this, simply leave me a comment and I’ll do my best to accommodate that.

By applying some of these ideas, you'll increase your chances of finding a woman to date and potentially start a relationship with. Just remember to be yourself, be confident, and be open to new experiences and opportunities. Good luck!